Wednesday, October 22, 2008

skeleton poem, inspired by Dana and ReadWritePoem

IMMORTALS

We hear grandfather clocks
chime on eons
take liberties with time
elongate days and pinch nights

in the ass smiling nicely
in circles and lines, hands
drip of hours, faces
of generations.

Today, we ride a second
hand. Tomorrow,
the pendulum jerks, a piece
of creation severs. We sway
in time to the tides.

We're not lost here
in the ocean of mortals,
where fish drown in the sea.

We transcend
the ancient idea, time.
Those damn fools the astronomers
thought they could measure us
with the gauge of orbs.
Please.

The mothers and planets
know better.
We transcend the fabric of
home hole
haven and heaven.

I took some liberties with the skeleton.
dana

6 comments:

Jo said...

Fascinating. I really like what you did here.

And I was very befuddled when I arrived but you've just made me realise that blog names can be changed....mmm!

holly said...

thanks Jo...yes, I changed things around a little!

Scot said...

like we ride the second hand--excellent line--great poem

Julie said...

Beautiful...yes, an excellent poem. Structurally, it's also very strong. The rhythm swings me back and forth to each line like the movement of the grandfather clock. I love that. Your voice shines through. I also love the elongated time and your characteristically lovely plays on language. A very powerful piece!

jack sender said...

good for you on the blog name change.
keep reaching, best wishes.

Dana said...

Oh wow! I just saw the comment you left on my site today, otherwise I would have been by sooner.

I love this piece, what you did with the structure I provided. It's dripping with magnificent imagery and language. Woohoo!

I think I am giving the prize I offered to everyone who wrote a piece in response to my skeleton. All the entries were so strong.

Shoot me an email and we can work out the details about the prize. I am at mygorgeoussomewhere (at) gmail (dot) com.